Post-Baby Changes No One Mentions

As my little guy approaches his first birthday next month, I'm feeling rather reflective. His birth brought about a whole world of change in different life arenas- emotional/mental, physical and spiritual. I anticipated some adaptations, though, as usual, life didn't go as expected!

Emotionally & Mentally

My emotions still seem a bit more scattered than usual since my son’s birth, but I will continue to chalk it up to frenetic post-breastfeeding hormones and general sleep deprivation. Emotionally, I feel less centered on myself and more focused on Rayden: worries for him, concerns about him, hopes for him, happiness with him, etc. 

Though my world revolves around an infant these days, he also encourages me to dedicate myself more fully to my own goals. I know that the effort I put into my teaching and writing will make a positive difference in our family life over the years to come- both by providing us with more financial stability and by giving me more confidence and success to be a strong role model for the little dude.

Physically

Of course, things change physically; it’s inevitable after the epic events of labor and childbirth. I feel fortunate that healthy eating, breastfeeding and constantly running after and scooping up a needy baby all brought me back to my pre-pregnancy weight relatively quickly. I'm about 99% certain I won't be as lucky after future kiddos. Still, I both feel and look different than before, and my lower abdomen will likely never be the same. (Eh, it’s not like I ever wore bikinis anyway.)

Other issues have arisen since Rayden’s birth. Lactose is no longer a close friend of mine, for instance, and I have a lot of muscular problems that developed as a result of thirty+ hours of labor (and I know the OB nurses will tell you that most of that wasn’t active labor, but that doesn’t mean it wasn't intense!). I’ve learned from this whole situation about a topic in woman’s health that needs to be talked about: Pelvic Organ Prolapse. It is virtually unmentioned until you’re diagnosed- and then it is still relatively ignored. Seeing as how people talk about way more intimate things on everyday television, I think the docs could give ladies a head’s up about prevention, etc. at their yearly check-ups. Just sayin’.

Spiritually

Since my son’s birth, I feel a deeper connection to my faith. Throughout my life, I’ve typically gone to church every Sunday and prayed daily, but now it just seems more important than ever to keep grounded. I want my son to know that, as Catholics, we aren’t the bigoted, racist people that the media portrays us to be. We are some of the most loving people you could ever find, with a focus on truth, hope and Christ-like love. When you have a religion to base your morals upon, you are grounded in the reality of what is right and wrong, and I want Rayden to have that- instead of the flippant nature of reality that popular culture so often presents. I’m excited to raise this awesome kid in an uplifting family dynamic and positive community. I’m about 99.999% sure he’ll go far. ;)

10 Hilarious Habits of My 10 Month Old

I promised that I'd share more of the goofy things that Rayden does, so here we are! 10 more habits that are relatively bizarre, hilarious and/or kinda gross, but that certainly don't make me love the little cutie any less!

1. Licks the pages of books. In particular, he loves the "touch and feel animals" picture book that has different textures and fabrics on each of the animals. He's slobbered all over the pig and tried to pull out the hair on the sheepdog. 

2. Carries around a bulb syringe (nose sucker thingy, in layman's terms). Gnaws on the round part occasionally. Maybe it helps with the teething..?

3. Bites down on marble tabletop. The coffee table in our living room has a marble top layer and he tries to gnaw on the edges. Ow. We've moved him away, thinking it would hurt his little teeth, but he just keeps coming back for more.

4. Kisses his reflection. This isn't bizarre or hilarious so much as it is darn adorable, but when looking at himself in the mirror, he will sometimes give his reflection a smooch.

5. Dances by shaking his butt, shoulders and back, sometimes all at once, usually while sitting. Occasionally becomes too enthusiastic and tips over. I'll have to record it one of these days...

6. Searches for leftover food under the table. I swear, the kid gets plenty to eat, but after a meal he will always go back and check under his high chair for some fresh leftovers for dessert. I have to be a speedy cleaner and vacuum often.

7. Blows raspberries on belly buttons. He will climb over to people who are lying down, lift up their shirts and proceed to smack some slobbery raspberries on their bellies. He will also do this with his stuffed animals, despite their lack of belly buttons.

8. Double-checks to make sure he's causing trouble. When he goes by the television or other heavy and/or dangerous items, we always tell him "No", but before stopping, he will look back and make sure we say "No" a few more times while shaking our heads. He will shake his head as well, smile, and then continue toward the prohibited item. Sigh.

9. Attacks his favorite stuffed animals. Every morning, he will literally tackle his stuffed monkey with a huge hug as though he hasn't seen the thing in ages.

10. Ambles over to any and all electrical cords and outlets whenever they are in sight. Seriously, you can offer him the coolest, most colorful and noisy toy ever, but if there's an extension cord nearby, the toy might as well not exist. Definitely gets this from Daddy the electrician. Or he just wants to see if he can drive me crazy chasing after him anyplace that isn't childproofed. Perhaps both.

Baby on the Move!

Probably one of the most intimidating moments of being a new mother is realizing that the tiny, completely dependent person you gave birth to has a mind of his own. This mind, with its unique desires and opinions, starts to be unveiled rather rapidly once baby becomes mobile!

Around the 6-7 month mark, before my little guy could crawl but when he was feeling particularly frustrated with sitting wherever I happened to deposit him, was probably the most difficult time for both of us. He would cry and fuss a lot! He had no real way of communicating to me what it was he wanted and I couldn't always move him from one random place to another at the drop of a hat, hoping to get it right. I also felt bad that he could only rock back and forth but couldn't actually reach his goals; it was like his fledgling crawling abilities were mocking him.

He's been a crawler for about two months now, and the situation is very different. Now, he is suddenly an independent little man! He is typically as happy as a clam, crawling about the place and exploring new things. Along with that, though, he now cries and fusses whenever I attempt to hold him or buckle him into a car seat or stroller. Now that he has uncovered the vast potential of moving wherever his little heart desires, he wants his freedom- all the time!


On the one hand, I'm grateful to have an independent baby. He is curious, adventurous and has such joy and excitement for each new experience! It is entertaining to watch him scamper across a room or down a hall and see the world from his point of view. I feel that I am learning about who he is when he selects a particular toy over another or chooses which direction to crawl.

On the other hand, he is admittedly a bit of a troublemaker. In only his short time as a crawler, he has already decided that he would prefer to walk. He climbs up chairs, tables, dressers, people's legs, counters, boxes, etc. You name it- he will climb it. Then he will use it as support in his attempt to walk around. His legs are incredibly strong (we've dubbed him our "little linebacker", since he gained weight ridiculously quickly in his first months and has, what seems to me, unnatural strength for someone so small), but his balance isn't the greatest, so he easily topples over. I used to stand right behind him to catch him and protect him from the slightest fall, but I am learning to let him learn- and that occasionally means letting him tip back onto his bum when he tries to use the toy box to stand for the hundredth time. I figure that, as long as he is safe, this is probably an important lesson for him to learn. Still, it is a bit difficult to see him growing more and more independent. It's surely a sign of what's to come: years where "Mama" can no longer solve every problem with a cuddle and a comforting word and when his challenges become greater than a choice of whether or not to climb up the couch or to play with his stacking blocks. I guess I will just have to make the most of these crazy crawling moments while they last!

The Writer's Voice Contest Entry: NORTHERN NIMSBY VS. THE DRONES

 Query:

My novel, Northern Nimsby vs. the Drones is a 65,000 word cozy mystery.

After Jordan Nimsby’s perfect fiancée is murdered, her life enters a downward spiral until she hits rock bottom in her hometown of Eagle River, Wisconsin. Most people wouldn’t look at an explosion on the first day of a new job as the light at the end of the tunnel, but for Jordy, it means returning to a childhood passion: solving mysteries.

Living in a dusty cabin next door to her parents, working for an old rival and lusting after a high school crush, Jordy welcomes danger during her orientation at the Coffee Cravin’ Cabin.  Drawn by her inner detective, she dives headfirst into the bombing investigation- and right back to her high school BFF and resident rebel, Samantha Orwitz, who is now working as the lead detective for the local police department. The two combine their witty sarcasm and rambunctious personalities as they follow the clues from a series of unmanned drone attacks in nearby towns. The women chase an array of questionable characters and stalk down clues that lead from political conventions to creepy isolated cabins as they seek to unveil who is bringing destruction to the Northwood’s and why.  Leaving behind chaos and general mayhem, as well as the occasional cold brew and deep fried cheese curd, they become determined to survive the mystery without getting blown to bits themselves.

Northern Nimsby vs. the Drones has the potential to evolve into a series, and I have additional outlines in the works. I think the cozy mystery genre needs an adventurous Wisconsin gal with an offbeat personality and a hearty dose of spunk- Jordy is that girl! Previously, the majority of my published work has been freelance or for campus publications at the University of Wisconsin-La Crosse; this is my first novel. Thank you for your time and consideration.

Sincerely,

Sarah David

First 250 words:

I screamed when the eight-legged monster jumped from the shelf above the oven, missing my head by inches and my scrambled eggs by less. Fortunately, I quickly recovered and beat the spider to a pulp with my trusty old hiking boot. I shoved the tawny boot back in its place near the door before returning to the stove top and giving the eggs another poke with the spatula. One more joy of living in my parents’ sparsely insulated log cabin: bugs around every corner and crevice, preparing for attack. I was at least 72% certain that these creatures had a personal vendetta against me from day one, and their battle tactics seriously surpassed my own. For two weeks now it has been me (Jordan Nimsby) vs. the Evil Bug Bastards (or EBBs for short).

            Yes, that’s correct; my parents gave me an androgynous name. When I was about four or five, prancing around in princess costumes, it was a BIG deal; I wanted my name to be Anastasia or Katherine. Since those days, I’ve grown to love it. My friends used to call me “Nimsby” or “Nims” in high school; now, however, most of them call me Jordy, partially after one of THE best wide receivers in the NFL. Seriously, don’t interrupt a Packer game unless you’re bringing fresh cheese curds or kolatchze to share. You may laugh, but we don’t jest about our football, cheese and European baked goods here in Northern Wisconsin. Or our beer, for that matter…

The Irresponsibility Problem

As a teacher, I feel that I often get a glimpse into some of the darker problems of our society. I'm sure this is also a common occurrence if you are employed in, say, the medical field or law enforcement. In fact, probably any job allows you to see the bad sides to people (I can think of a few gruesome incidents when I was employed as a housekeeper over the years...for more on that, you can check out my old blog here: http://housekeepersrant-sarah.blogspot.com/) along with the good. With teaching, you certainly see different things than with housekeeping (and for that I must say, thank God!), but the problems you witness can be upsetting just the same.
Over the years, teachers have seen their fair share of Huckleberry Finns and Tom Sawyers, so being a slacker is certainly not a recent devolution. Still, it's rough when you find students who sport a complete and utter lack of motivation. Of course, this isn't necessarily a large percentage of my students, but it does seem larger than it should be. I will also add that this is one of the first generations that have parents who see slackerdom as acceptable behavior. Take a look at 1960's classic television. When the kids mess up, the parents lecture, educate, and/or swat the troublemakers. The kids realize they need to get their act together, and things go back to normal. What do we see on television nowadays? Besides a ridiculous amount of risque behavior, we see everyone, from kids to the elderly, behaving badly and getting away with it, even being applauded for it! This sort of "applaud the evildoer" mentality is not only a common occurrence in sitcoms nowadays, but also in reality TV and even the news! It's terrifying, quite frankly, but I digress...


Now, I don't think that our society is doomed or that modern television is evil. I do, however, believe that a good chunk of our society has in fact hit rock bottom, and, for whatever reason, they don't realize it. Or maybe they just don't care. From a teacher standpoint, these are the kids who come to school without a clue. They haven't done their homework, they text and chat all through class, and they make snide remarks to everybody and anybody. Their hobbies include playing video games for hours straight, posting a zillion selfies on Instagram and Facebook, or (even worse) getting involved in drugs/alcohol/other stupid stuff. No, I didn't have my life planned out by high school, and I certainly wasn't perfect, but I at least had some semblance of an idea that I wanted to have opportunities and be successful later on. That meant I was working (and, sure, occasionally playing) hard- studying hard, working an after school/weekend job, participating in school sports and activities, being active with my friends and family, being outdoors, and basically enjoying life. I ask some of these kids what they want to do after high school and the answers make me want to yank out my hair: "I'll just live at home, my parents don't care", "I'll probably, you know, play video games, hang out, whatever", "I'll stick with my job at McDonald's; all my friends work there", and a common one, even for my seniors: "I don't know- what does it matter?" What does it matter, indeed?
Where is this attitude coming from, and why is it becoming more and more acceptable? It's not just the kids; their parents are to blame, too. I'd prefer not to disclose the times I've heard parents telling their kids (or insinuating) that school doesn't matter. Some of these are the people that I see aimlessly wandering Wal-Mart at 2pm on a Tuesday wearing their pajamas. What do these people do? And what message are they sending their children? The saddest part about this situation is that we live in a truly incredible and fortunate nation, where people with motivation and solid work ethics can accomplish really amazing feats, regardless of the difficulties they face. Success isn't guaranteed, but the chance to work hard and try your best is free for the taking (which can't be said of every place around the globe). Unfortunately, these kids, without the right encouragement, might not ever realize their true potential or even the fact that they have one. It's depressing.

That's why I am constantly encouraging my students, and the ones who come from rougher situations need this encouragement even more. And when the parents shrug off a meeting, a deadline, and due date, telling their kids that it's okay to do the same, I come back with, "No, actually, it's not, because you need to be prepared for the future. Jobs have deadlines and requirements, and this is your foundation." Everyone comes with a backstory- some lives are tougher than others; it's just the hard, honest fact- but if the option is to cry about it and waste away or to dust yourself off and show life where to shove it, I personally would take the latter- and I hope my students do, too.

8 Bizarre Baby Behaviors

I feel like babies are known for doing weird things (if Youtube videos are any indication), and my son, Rayden, is certainly no exception. This week I'm sharing some of these odd behaviors, and hopefully he's not the only 8-month-old doing these things...

1. He takes off his sunglasses within seconds of my placing them on his head; he immediately puts them in his mouth and chews on them thoughtfully.

2. While gnawing on those sunglasses during walks, he also kicks up his feet onto the cupholders of his stroller and leans back to enjoy the ride with a bottle of milk. Livin' the easy life.

3. He prefers walking to crawling. The problem is, he can't walk on his own, obviously, so he will fuss until we hold his arms, help him stand, and "walk" him around (then, of course, he is all smiles!). Also, instead of getting up on two knees and two hands to crawl, he will occasionally lift himself into the "downward dog" position and make frustrated noises before collapsing. He will sometimes balance himself precariously on one foot and two arms and two feet and one arm for several seconds before slowly, awkwardly, tipping over. Hey, practice makes perfect!

4. He blows loud raspberries. In public places. In church, especially. If your bare arm is available, he will sneak attack it with an especially drool-packed one. Trust me on this.

5. He makes wild expressions and gestures as if he is seriously communicating with you. It's actually really awesome and hilarious.

6. He's teething and will gnaw on practically everything. I offer him teething rings and toys often, but he tends to spit them out and insert the nearest inedible object. Just today, he tried to eat my laptop case, two pillows, his stuffed monkey, his socks, my socks, my new flip-flops, my arm, five different books, his sunglasses, his shirt, his pants, my pants, my laptop, his diaper bag, a ball, the couch, the kitchen table, his car seat, his high chair, and half a dozen other items.

7. Anything that he isn't attempting to eat, he is drooling on. So, yep, that includes basically everything in our entire house, and, yep, that includes myself and my husband. 

8. He has a foot fetish. Seriously, he is obsessed with feet. He grabs his own feet and pulls off his socks so he can admire his toes. He finds it hysterically funny if I move my toes up and down while wearing socks. Add in weird noises, and he will literally fall over laughing. He will also try to munch on the feet of friend, family, and stranger alike, so beware.

There you have it: 8 silly habits of a fascinating little 8-month old. Maybe next month, I'll make a list of 9 fresh items, as he will have no doubt picked up more bizarre behaviors by that time...

How to Stay Sane as a New Mom

Being one of the first in my group of friends and family (this generation of my family, that is) to have a baby, life can be tough at times. I suddenly find myself plagued with responsibility. Not that I've ever been a particularly irresponsible person, but it was nice to know I could take a day off of life if I wanted to. You know, those Saturdays when you really should catch up on work and chores but you just say, "Aw, to heck with it!" and then you sleep in, read an entire book without interruption, play video games with your husband while eating junk food and go wherever the night takes you. Those Saturdays no longer exist for me, and I will mourn them briefly here: wahhhhh. Okay, I'm done.

On a serious note, however, it is tough to accept the responsibility of raising another human being. Maybe it didn't used to be such a life-altering event, but nowadays our society flinches at and shirks off responsibility whenever possible. I think it's why we see so many damaging choices made by many nowadays; people want to do what they want when they want it and not care about the consequences. When you have a little munchkin to protect, though, every changes. It's as though, most of your adult life, you've been looking through one of those kaleidoscope toys and then you suddenly adjust the scope and all of the shapes and colors change. It's not a bad thing; it's just completely different.

One of the strangest changes is that I feel this bizarre hyper-awareness of the many faults of society. Wow, that sounded more intense than I think it is. Honestly, however, when you have a baby, you look at the news through new eyes, questioning, "What's life going to be like for him when he grows up?", "Is the world going to be safe?", "How can I protect him from all the crazy people out there?", "What can I do to help make sure he'll make the right choice in life and not be influenced by all the negativity and creepiness of the world, the media, etc?" Of course, I want my son to think and act for himself, but it can be a difficult concept to wrap my head around at times: a little person that came out of me can actually become his own person. Whoa, trippy. Or maybe I just had too much coffee this morning...


Another weird situation that makes me feel off-kilter is the fact that I'm fairly certain my personality has changed as a result of Rayden's birth. It's not like I'm actually a different person, but it's the kaleidoscope metaphor again (this time, I'm the kaleidoscope; I'm the same being but I switched to a slightly different color frequency). I ventured forth last night and did a little research (gasp!) to go along with my writing because I wanted a solid answer to this question: Can your personality really change when you become a mother?

After riding the pregnancy and post-pregnancy rollar-coaster of emotions for quite a while, it's difficult to remember what's normal. Or, well, as normal as life can be with a brand new, incredibly needy person in it. From delving into the Psychology Today, What to Expect, Baby Centre and Psychological Science websites, as well as a few parenting blogs, I believe that there is enough evidence to show that a few personality traits do indeed evolve for good. Here are a few traits that tend to get kicked to the curb after having a baby: selfish, lazy, impatient, independent, orderly/neat, vain, daring, spontaneous, idealistic. The ones that seem to increase include the following: compassionate/sympathetic, paranoid/protective, easygoing/adaptable, capable and realistic. Some of these may seem obvious; others may be a surprise. Personally, I feel that many of these apply to me.
I suppose it's obvious that your laziness or impatience would quickly evaporate when a tiny person demands your attention both day and night for months. When you're going on 5 hours of sleep a night and trying to work, keep your house in some semblance of order, and constantly cycle through diaper changes, feedings, play time and comforting, it's laughable to think that you were ever once even a bit lazy or selfish, for that matter. Vanity can easily slip away when you're typically covered in drool and baby food, are leaking breastmilk and have no clothing that fits. You become more capable and easygoing as you learn to roll with the punches of each new baby-led adventure. Daring, spontaneous, independent...these exciting traits don't fade entirely but I feel like you become less focused on having adventures and fun and more focused on caring for a little person and ensuring their success and happiness. I've already mentioned in earlier posts about how I can fully understand the "crazy attack mom" syndrome that would likely be filed under "paranoia" for medical purposes. Hey, I accept it. Maybe the toughest one to accept is an exchange of idealism for realism. I like to think I've always been a realist, but then again, I think of times in my life where I just thought, "Wouldn't it be awesome if..?" and I ran with it, without thinking of the outcome. That's how I ended up spending a semester abroad without knowing anyone overseas. It ended up being an awesome experience, but I probably would've chickened out if I thought it through and contemplated facts like affordability, being able to complete my coursework on time, the scare level of not knowing anyone within a 3,000+ mile radius, etc. I think trading in idealism for realism is bound to happen when you're suddenly faced with a lot of very real stressors and issues. Gone are the days of dreaming about what could be; you have to kick yourself into gear and do what needs to be done to raise your family and keep things going. Again, it's not a bad shift; it's just different.

So, there you go. I'm staying relatively sane and having fun watching Rayden grow and learn something new everyday. It's a paradox of wild, incredible insights/adventures and mellow (okay, sometimes outright boring) repetition but it's an experience that I honestly wouldn't trade for all of the lazy Saturdays in the world.