I've recently been accepted into graduate school, where I plan to begin working towards a Master's of Arts in English this autumn. I hope to go on to earn my PhD in Creative Writing or Literature and teach at a university level...or to teach at a university level if I can wing it with just the MA. I also hold all of these lofty, highfalutin fantasies of becoming a published author. In other areas of life, I dream of owning a house somewhere out west (near a city but not a big city; not in the suburbs, but not totally in the boonies either- not that I'm picky or anything ;)) and adding to our little family. Of course, I have no way of knowing if any or all of these dreams will become a reality, but I have faith that everything will work out the way it's supposed to go.
I think the part that makes me feel not-quite-so put together is the fact that I tend to do big "life events" out of order. I'm not sure where this supposedly correct outline of life first established itself, but it's been hard-pressed in my mind as the "right" way to do things, and I find myself cloaked in guilt whenever I do these things out of order. For instance, I always imagined that I would finish all of my education and really establish myself before I got married. Our wedding took place two months before my college graduation while I was student teaching and had approximately $50 in my savings account after my share of the wedding expenses. (My husband was starting his apprenticeship, so we were basically in the same boat.) I thought I'd be reasonably successful in my career by age 30, as opposed to returning to school just before my 28th birthday. I also assumed that I'd own a house before having any children. Well, that didn't happen either. I have to admit that when I occasionally see people engaging in these life events in what I'd always convinced myself was the "correct" order, I get a wee bit jealous. I think to myself, These are the really successful people. They have it all together. But then I hear stories of this issue or that, and I realize that nobody truly has everything figured out; it doesn't matter if they finished school first, scored a successful, high-paying career, got married, bought their dream house, and then settled in with two kids and a dog. Even if they've achieved these events in optimal order, they still have to deal with the daily stresses and issues of life; they don't get a free pass for doing things supposedly "correctly". Relationships, money, careers, family, etc. all bring happiness and heartache, but the beauty is in the eye of the beholder in every aspect of our lives. Though life may be unlike what we expect from time to time, the chaos can make it extra special, too. For instance, people can be happy living in a 400 square foot apartment, working 30 hours a week on top of an unpaid 40+ hour/week student teaching gig. (Trust me, I've been there.) Life events occur out of order. Stranger things have happened.
I can and am happy even while worrying about the future, even on the days when the going gets tough. I'm a firm believer that, when you put your faith in God, you can be happy in any and all situations, even the ones that make some people roll their eyes and squirm uncomfortably. And, no, you don't have to do life "in order" or have it "all together". Certainly not at 27. Maybe not ever.
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